You know you're a boulderer when....
by Barney Waters

You arrive at your date's house and spend the evening staring at the fieldstone fireplace wondering if it will go.

You blame your recent weight gain on accidental black fly consumption.

As a result, Deet has become less of a necessary evil and more like ketchup.

You think bug spray is when mosquito's tell all of their friends how many people they've bitten that day.

You easily won the 'who has the driest hands' competition among a field that included Ghandi, a Nigerian sand salesman and an 86 year old camel.

You never describe your elbow tendinitis as 'tennis elbow' in case anyone thinks you actually play tennis.

You can get from your front door to the kitchen and onto the bathroom without touching the floor.

You can be a climber.....and scared of heights.

You are always the 'go to' person when a jar needs opening.

The words 'a sweet finger crack' don't amuse you in the slightest.

People assume you are a scientist for a company making vegetable based juice drinks after you told them you were "working on a V8 problem".

You admit that you once spent money to get a rack. You were desperate, she was young and needed the money.

The cupboard that contains your climbing shoes smells like a skunk crawled in there and died in the early 18th century after eating an anchovy sandwich.

After a bouldering session your feet retain the skunk smell and are also glowing orange from the shoe dye, attracting moths from a distance and then killing them at close range, a condition known as 'camp fire foot'.

A 'mixed' route to you is one where you also need to use your feet.

Active Pro = Heidi Fleiss out jogging.

Wired Stoppers = spotters after multiple cups of coffee.

Shock load = the result of crapping yourself on a highball.

Disclaimer

Bouldering is dangerous. You could be seriously injured or killed. Do not attempt any of the problems described in this web page unless you have the expertise to do so. NewEnglandBouldering.com does not assume any liability for your safety or well being.